"Terror unendingly renews with advancing age. Without end, it returns us to the beginning. The beginning that I glimpse on the edge of the grave is the pig in me which neither death nor insult can kill. Terror on the edge of the grave is divine and I sink into the terror whose child I am."
Georges Bataille, My Mother
I don’t know why but this really strikes a chord in me, a Chord in fact. I don’t want to like transgressive things this much, I don’t want to be a nihil-heiler. But I don’t want this darkness to be a ‘ladder’ to light either. It’s not that I don’t like change (wink), because I want to like darker and darker shit beyond my capacity to fathom what I can fathom in (as) this (as a Sikh put it) wall of dirt otherwise known as my ego. Maybe I need to pull a transvaluation on Kierkegaard’s *** and surrender myself fully to the abyss. Get on my knees five times a day facing…(note to self: need a Mecca-thing) and worship it; will the void until I abandon the voice that is me that is certain of an absolute collapse of my will and the void any-day-now. Ah..”…until I abandon…” *nervous nostril laugh/exhale*
*Cuts to commercial*
- Hey kids one easy tug and your cross…. is a zero shape! Let’s try it together.. 1… 2…. 3! *laughs a la Lucifer* *the kids do too* *three seconds of a synthetic feminine voice talking too fast to process* (using TiVo it is determined that she repeated the words “maple beam” 300x)
- ~G.K. Chesterton via a Ouija board [Kraft logo]~
"Happy Halloween 2014. Booo. *chuckles* Long ago, back before I had a ghost tail, I used to remind people that Man is never taller than when he is on his knees. This is obviously complicated for me now. God isn’t too relevant to me anymore; He’s on my fireman calendar this year but meh. It’s late October in my realm, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down. Not saying there’s anything wrong with God, FYI, I’m pretty sure that that’s just the way of things here. Anyway, whatever. I’m outtie. Oh!, before I go, Socrates (yeah I lucked out, he’s a riot [and his 28 year old self!]) told me he’d give me a special present if I slipped something into this ad. for him, ehem ugh… what a little gnat he is, I tell you. Sorry but I refuse to read this. *gazes for a sec into the distance, hungrily* *mumbles*: Socrates wishes to ask his posterity a couple of things: *clears throat* You all are aware that Plato was on his knees for me B.C., right? Semicolon capital-P. And here’s something you won’t find in my Dialogues: know what happened as soon as I died? Something quite funny dawned on me: that that daemon of mine was—” -
- Generic hair-dye advertisement-
Hey, welcome back to this bullshit. A recurrent myth I touch my facial hair to is “Naturally, Christianity crucified itself. And here we are,” and almost always with the concomitant images/scene of myself as a goat surreally picking myself up and throwing myself into the orange of a volcano. I’m never the goat, though, always the thrower. The scape-goat mechanism is in my Top 3 for thoughts I’ve dwelled on to a truly dangerous psychotic extent; thankfully that ‘little phase’ ultimately came to fruition in the form of hitting rockbottom / revealing my finitude to myself and my inability to be that bearded old abyss who lives in the clouds lol I peeked at my notebook from that period and in this vulgar scar-like scrawl on a top margin was written “Keep your eye on the goat”. I was damn insane and it felt real, human freedom is immense; Hell is accessible.. on one condition: you must want to go there. God, fuck the scapegoat-concept. Literally God, do. This is my sole prayer to you (next time I’m on drugs and expecting to literally die it won’t count). Daha as if I’d expect one (who is also many, which is suspicious) like you to fulfill such a wish, ya candleless birthday cake. How’s that for a metaphor to capture your ineffable r3ality.
I intend to pickle your cloven-hoofs wide of the day I meet my demise; you don’t have to believe me, go ahead and be an atheist; and good luck with that omnihubris; when you feel the bite in your ankle of my handsaw you’re going to play it cool like a good obedient little cog God, I know, but, but wait for it: you’re going to suddenly get lightheaded. Why? Well you’re going to realize “I’m a hoof short”, and that gimping round yr Kingdom for the rest of Eternity with a peg-leg wasn’t part of your Plan. “How could this happen to ME?” you’ll cry out - to whom? Not an abyss, right? Not God. Anyway, listen. Don’t panic, this will be filmed. And eventually carry a canonical air for generations to come in the multi-media hologram HD New New Testament - release date approx: 2109. Ha, never expected what happened to YHWH to happen to you, did you? Relax, it’s retirement time, seventh day erryday. Soon. You should pick up one of those senior scooters in the meantime before you get put on pension. Brace yourself for modest-living! That little Holocaust incident finally caught up to you, eh jackass? Funny how things come back around like that. I noticed you’ve been rolling your ankle more than usual. Worried? You’ll be fine, have faith that it’s a blessing. Hey I bet you two ontological laws of my choosing that you will take it in stride—by making humans’ legs in yours’ image - by making your robot-solider in high heels dip-bounce the Platonic norm, ya tasteless fascist jk I’m just giving you a hard time. What? No bet? You jealous mortal-fucker. Get revenge on yourself for once, child, do us all a favor.
So, I will screw-off the top of the jar, say, a month after sealing, maybe before the time is right - not like I need to demonstrate that the event isn’t too special to me, though granted it won’t be an everyday powertrip for me (no I’m not saying that just to avoid hurting your feelings, Ok I was throwing you a bone a tad bit, but really, eating your hooves will be like masturbating in a way, I can’t explain). So where were we: I fish one of the hoofs out with my fingers and put it into my mouth without breaking eye contact with the TV..
To be continued.
God loses his faith on multiple levels and asks me on a date to an abyss. He gets stuck and I have to use a plunger to get him out. He emerges with a fire in his eyes rekindled for the first time since Maryyyy ooooo.